Monday, June 27, 2005

Why I hate Los Angeles.

Plenty of people tell me why New York City is a terrible place. They are wrong - but there's just no talking to them.

This is my experience with LA - encapsulated by one friend experience - which became many.

Andy*** (name changed to protect the guilty) had moved out to LA to make it big as a writer. A recent transplant from the suburbs of D.C., Andy tried to tell me that a very long time ago a group of disillusioned New Yorkers followed in the footsteps of Lewis and Clark to build the perfect city - New York without all the imperfections. So these traitors basically got rid of everything that makes the Big Apple interesting and vibrant and the end result was L.A. So you see how only a true New Yorker can scoff at this lie fabricated to make the residents of Los Angeles feel better about themselves. Yes - Inner City L.A. has no problems, and the celery eating, smoothie drinking silicone people should be proud of the fact that they don’t recycle anything. The ad campaign for real estate in Los Angeles would be a Baywatch babe with amputated legs driving a Porsche. (Who needs legs. Nobody walks in L.A.) She’d be drinking out of a styrofoam cup and smoking a cigarette, while squinting through the smog.

Andy had landed a PA job on a popular sitcom and agreed to drive me around LA on his day off. Let me just state that I have been asked on many occasions to shuttle friends, and friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends around to all the cheesy sites of NYC - It's part of the job description of living in a touristy city.

Andy drove me past the Hollywood sign - not stopping, then down Rodeo drive - also not stopping or even slowing down. I finally made him stop at the Walk of Fame. And then he REFUSED to get out of the car to look at the stars with me because it was lame and too touristy. He has a sarcastic sense of humor - I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. Holy crap - it was so rude.

I got out and asked another "lame" tourist to take a picture of me with David Hasselhoff's ill-gotten star.

We then went to a sushi restaurant. Over sashimi I start asking Andy about his job. In a loud whisper that echoed through the halls of sushi - he says" SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! You don't talk about the BUSINESS in Sushi restaurants."

Again I assumed that a joke was intended. It wasn't.

I don't know what happens to people in LA - But I didn't like it at all. I'll take caffeinated NYC any day of the week.

1 comment:

miep said...

huh. i went to visit Snuffy (name also changed) and she was totally laid back and fantastic about taking me to touristy places. I think it's only people who move to LA who take it so seriously...