Freya Walks!!!

Two days after she turned 11 months, Freya decided it was time to start walking.  I was sitting on Clara's bed, placing an Amazon order on the ipad for some baby-related item I can no longer recall.  Freya was playing with some toys, when out of the corner of my eye I saw her simply start walking over to me.  6 or so wobbly steps while carrying a toy in each hand, (an empty play-doh can and a toy phone) and she arrived at her destination, my knee, with a giant, 4-toothed grin on her face.  Needless to state, it took me a moment to formulate an appropriate response.  I was gob-smacked and Freya was delighted with herself.

Freya has been confounding our expectations since she was born.  Clara very happily sat in one spot until she was 10 and a half months old, and then started crawling.  Freya has been crawling since she was seven months old.  I guess we shouldn't be surprised that's she's up and walking around. (Clara waited until the sensible age of one year and one week old to try out this whole "walking" thing.)

Clara is absolutely delighted with this turn of events and is constantly trying to get Freya to walk over to her.  Freya is quite confident walking around, hands held up in the air like she's surrendering to the police wherever she goes.  It's all ridiculous and amazing, and it totally doesn't help that Freya is tall enough to run her fingers along high surfaces - like the dining table and our console table - raking down baby no-no's onto her head every time one of us looks away for an instant.

Freya walking around town. 

Freya is also starting to talk - she says "Mama", Dada" or more often "Dadeee", and spends most of her day pointing at things and saying "What's Dat?" The way Freya follows Clara around we're positive the next word in her repertoire is going to be "Clara" or maybe "Sister." Clara likes to call her sister "Freya Beya Boo." We'll see what Freya can come up with.  

The other day Clara came home from camp and was taking a break on her bed with some Pirate's Booty cheese puffs.  Freya crawled into their room to play on the floor.  I heard Clara talking to Freya and then saying 'Here, Freya." Clara called out to me: "Mom, I'm sharing some puffs with Freya!" A few minutes later I could hear them playing together as I walked around tidying up.  Clara's conversation punctuated by Freya's shrieks of laughter was music to my ears.

Sisters.

Growing Up, Moving Up, Standing Up.

Clara has had an action packed June. For months Clara has been talking about being a Flower Girl in her Aunt Margaret's wedding, and finally the day arrived.  Clara an I had many discussions about what an important job she had at her aunt's wedding.  We discussed dresses and shoes and when Clara decided she wanted to wear a red dress I told her: Margaret's the boss of this wedding so what she says goes. Clara got to choose between two pink dresses and she (predictably) chose the one with more sparkles.  Knowing what a flower girl does in the abstract is a lot different then the reality.  At the wedding rehearsal Clara was frozen by the enormity of her task.  She refused to walk by herself and it was quickly decided that Gerald would walk with her during the ceremony.

Gerald giving worried Clara a hug at the wedding rehearsal..

The next day Clara seemed thrilled by everything.  We visited the bride and the bridesmaids while they were getting ready.  I did not have high hopes that Clara would consent to having her hair and makeup done but after she watched the other women getting prettied up she decided that they all looked like Disney princesses and she wanted to look like one too.  Bridesmaid Jess looked like Aurora to her and her Aunt Margaret was Cinderella. Clara wanted in on that action. While we all looked on Clara got her hair done and then her makeup.  The makeup artist showed Clara a palette of lipsticks and asked her to choose one.  Clara authoritatively chose the most crimson shade of red she could find.   No pastel pink for this little girl.  All prettied up, Clara was ready to go.

Clara and the crimson lipstick.

Showing us her make up.

The bridal party looks on.

At the wedding, Clara went off with her Dad to get ready for "the show," as she called it.  Freya and I waited with the wedding guests for it all to start.  You would never know that less then 24 hours earlier Clara had been scared and shy.  She was the most professional and beautiful flower girl her totally unbiased mother had ever seen.

Doing her "flower girl" thing like a pro.

Just a few weeks later, Clara had her Moving Up ceremony at school.  Back in the day, we only had graduations when we left schools...so I can vividly recall my 8th grade graduation, my high school graduation, and my college graduation.  These days, you start graduating at 3 years old and you call it "Moving Up."  I am not ashamed to admit I teared up a little as Clara's class took the stage to sing two songs.  Clara took center stage and sang her heart out. No trace of butterflies for this little girl.  She was totally into it.

Waving to her parents as she takes the stage, 

Singing.

Clapping choreography.

Hugging choreography.

After the songs each child was called onto the stage  one by one to walk over a small mountain and "move up" to next year.  Needless to state, Clara nailed it.

Moving up.

In the Fall Clara starts at a new school in Pre-Kindergarten.  The events of June have had a lasting impact on Clara.  It's incredible to watch this little person take on every new challenge life throws her way.  

In other news, Freya is ten months old and almost walking, much to her parents dismay (I mean delight!)  She has 2 little teeth and her favorite activities are cruising all over the apartment, crawling as fast as lightning and saying:  "DaDAdadadadaDa."  She would also like to do whatever Clara is doing at any given moment and Clara usually obliges.

At the playground.

Taking a breather after chasing this 18 month old all over the library.

Watching the wedding rehearsal.

Thinking about walking over to the coffee table.

On Her Feet.

As if it isn't enough that Freya has been crawling since she was 7 months old, she has the sheer audacity to start pulling up at nine months, and if THAT wasn't enough, a few days later she's cruising along the furniture. It's wonderful and heart-stopping at the same time.  You would think having Clara would have prepared me for this but nooooooo. Clara waited until she was a sensible 10 and a half months to start crawling, pulling up, and cruising.  Just who does little miss Freya think she is?  

Oh right...she's a little sister.  And her mission in life is to get over to Clara and see what she's doing. This is all Clara's fault for being so interesting,and funny. Clara's main goal in life seems to be making Freya cackle with laughter...and trying to teach her things with varying degrees of success. Though a few days ago Clara actually did teach Freya to clap while I was in the kitchen putting away dishes.  From the living room I hear Clara telling Freya how to clap and then shortly after Clara's excited yells of: "She's doing it! She's clapping!"  I rushed in, and indeed - Freya was clapping, eyes glued to Clara looking for her approval.

Freya, just standing around.

The two girls share a room now and maneuvering through the minefield called "bedtime" with an almost 4 year old and a 9 month old can be perilous.  But it can also be wonderful.  A few nights ago after an attempt to get Freya to sleep first went pear-shaped, I asked Clara if we could read books in her bed with Freya, and Clara happily agreed.  The two girls lay down side by side next to each other on the pillows.  I started to read a book to them and one silly look from Clara and Freya dissolved into laughter - which made Clara laugh - which made Freya laugh, and so on and so on.  It was a laugh riot at bedtime and I got a flash of what great friends these two are going to be. 

Sisters.

I guess Gerald and I have to accept the fact that Freya is in a big hurry to grow up...or at least in a big hurry to chase her sister all over the place.  We're looking forward to the next milestone, the first word, which at this rate might happen sometime next week.  Clara is insistent that Freya's first word will be: "Clara." I wouldn't be at all surprised.

This is 40.

If you had asked me at 18, what being old meant I would have said: ‘Being 40.” Back then, 40 felt so distant is was virtually unreachable – something impossible that I would arrive at “someday” when “someday” really meant “never.”

Clara, sliding into 2 feet of snow.

But here I am.  Forty.  I am 40.  How did ‘never’ and ‘someday’ become today?  Two summers ago it was my 20^th High School Reunion.  I didn’t go. My memories from high school are barely tarnished…I was 18 and graduating five minutes ago.  My 20^th college reunion is in two years.  What?  I look at my twin sister and I feel like we were just running around Riverside Park jumping off of rocks and digging for worms.  Instead, I am showing my three-and-a-half year old how to jump off rocks in Fort Tryon Park.  Standing at the precipice, she asks me: "Help me to be brave, Mama.” And I do, and she jumps.

 Is anything different? I am the same person I was at 3…and 12…and 18…and 33.  The same person but a lot more willing to speak my mind and a lot less worried about what anyone else thinks.    The older you get the less you look around for someone to tell you you're doing it right or that you're okay. You actually become okay with telling yourself that you're doing it right - or wrong...or whatever but suddenly it's your opinion that matters the most. That’s a perk.

Life does pick up speed as you age.  Childhood and high school seemed to take forever...maybe from all that time you spend worrying about what other people think. Then college, then the years in your twenties where you’re trying to do everything  - make friends, keep friends, find a partner, find a job you can stand, then find a job you can stand that also pays you enough to stop having roommates. It all starts the clock ticking faster. I spent my 20's feeling like everything I wanted was just barely out of my reach. By my 30’s I was settling into my career in props for theater and television, I had a great group of friends, and was considering trying to have a kid on my own because I just couldn’t find the right person. Then I turned 34 and met the right person.  Over the next six years, we moved in together, chose to start a family, bought an apartment, had a daughter, got married, I finished graduate school, and then we had a second daughter.  Thirty-four to now was a roller coaster of milestones but every decision I made felt grounded in the absolute certainty that I was making the right choices. All of a sudden I have breathing room - and now (it seems) the world has to huff and puff a little bit to keep up with me instead of the other way around. 

The most recent candid  photo we have of the whole family is from Halloween.  (sigh)

I waited until I was 35 to add “mother” to my resume, and this past August at 39, I updated it to include "mother of two.”  Maybe it’s living and growing up in New York City but among my friends I was one of the first to have children.  Before me, I only had one friend from high school who already had children. Now the parents of Clara’s friends, who have become my friends, have all had or are having their second child.  My twin sister just had her first, and two friends from my graduating class in college are having their first children – squeaking in just under the wire for 40.  Maybe it wasn’t a deadline for them – it was a sort of invisible deadline for me but now that I am here nothing really has changed.

Photo Credit: Clara, after grabbing my phone to snap some flattering pictures.

So I’m a middle aged mom to an almost pre-schooler and an infant. Who cares?! Every mother I know is a middle aged mom to a kid that’s under five.  If this is a New York City phenomenon, I am even happier that I live here.  My husband and I juggle work, parenting, and the mad dash for babysitting when our work schedules collide.  In theater there's a saying: THE SHOW MUST GO ON. And because everyone on the stage loves what they are doing they take the aphorism seriously. It doesn’t matter if you’re sick, or didn’t sleep all night – THE SHOW MUST GO ON.  Baby was throwing up all night – THE SHOW MUST GO ON. You’re delirious with a fever?  Your toddler will still ask you every five minutes “when will dinner be ready?” while adamantly denying having anything to do with the marker scribbles all over her face that magically appeared when you tried to go to the bathroom with the door closed (for once) . THE SHOW MUST GO ON. It can be messy and hard and sometimes you might want to put your head in your hands and cry but it's also wonderful, and magical and full of surprises when you love what you're doing.

And then there were two.

As a parent you hone your reflexes to a razor edge – catching the cup before it hits the floor, pulling out the penny your baby just popped into her mouth in the one second you glanced away, or just knowing your daughter needs a little extra reassurance in her lifelong quest to spend every day being brave.  At the end of the day, when you finally sit down, the 40 year old’s bones are a bit creakier, so when the baby starts to fuss it takes a little extra heave-ho to get back up on your feet.  The one thing I would like to borrow from my 20-year old self is a bit of that seemingly inexhaustible  energy you carry with you from your childhood. Clara's boundless vitality and stamina carries her through her days with extra to spare.   I’d love just a little bit of that overflow…or maybe a glass of wine will do just fine.  

I wish I slept this well. 

First vacation with kids, Bathroom renovation, and some recent Conversations with Clara.

When we found out I was pregnant with our second child we decided it was time to go big or go home.  Our falling apart bathroom...literally falling apart....needed to be renovated before we became a family of four and GOSHDARNIT, we needed a vacation.  With the exception of a few visits to friends and family, our last vacation had been when I was pregnant with Clara, 3 years prior.

So if your one bathroom needs a gut renovation and you need to be out of the apartment for it, why not go to DISNEYWORLD!  We were pretending we were rich from a recent sale of Gerald's old apartment so we booked a 6 day trip to Florida with the rest of Gerald's immediate family.

Now I have never been to Disney, or Florida for that matter, and neither had my sister in law's fiance. But the rest of the clan had been to Disney on many, many vacations over the years.  I started hearing things like "We're having dinner in France on Thursday, and we're going to Mexico for lunch." (what?) "We're staying in Old Key West instead of Fort Wilderness." (??) "We couldn't book a breakfast with Cinderella." (thankfully Clara is young enough not to care, as I wiped away a stray tear.)

I don't know which of us was more excited.

Before I knew it everything was booked, reserved, and we were on a plane ride (Clara's first) to Orlando. Over our trip we visited every park at Disney and Universal Studios.  We averaged 6 miles of walking a day, and Clara decided vacation was just too exciting to take naps.  Clara was tall enough for most of the rides - clocking in at an amazing 39.5 inches for 2.5 years old.  She swam in a pool for the first time and fell in love with swimming.  Her take away advice from It's A Small World  after seeing the Hawaiian dancers doing the hula in bonfires.was: "Mama, Dada...don't dance in the fire."  

Spinning Teacups Ride

She requested a second time around on only two rides - the Spinning Teacups ride which she found hilarious, and bizarrely, the still chugging along animatronic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial Ride.  She loved flying on the bicycles and waving and talking to all the little E.T. aliens she had just saved from extinction on the Green Planet.  She thought the Haunted Mansion was "spooky" and laughed at the dark. She rode the Hippogriff Roller Coaster in Hogsmeade (an adult ride), with her Aunt Margaret, and her only comment at the top of the hill was "Wow, this is high."  While she rode the roller coaster, Gerald and I tried Butterbeer...which was actually pretty gross but made for a nice photo op.

Butterbeer mustaches.

She also loved the Dumbo Ride which has ingeniously installed a Dumbo's Circus Playground for kids in lieu of making kids wait on line while you wait to actually go on the ride.  All the kids were vying to sit in this fire engine.  Clara finally got a turn with this little boy.  He was pretending to drive when his mother said "Johnny, it's our turn to go on the ride."  The little boy cried out "SON OF A BITCH!" clearly irritated about leaving the fire engine, jumped up, and ran away to join his mother. Totally surreal. Clara happily shifted over to the driver's seat.

Right before the outburst.

Fingerbomb high-five.

Clara kept it together until the final day when all the new experiences finally caught up to her.  We took her to Hollywood Studios where she was impressed but exhausted by the Little Mermaid Show, Muppets 3D,  and the Disney Jr. Live show.  Given any chance to rest she promptly threw herself down on the floor and refused to stand up. (I had sympathy because I felt the same way.)  This floor launching continued at the airport where we found our flight had been delayed an hour. and our bathroom renovation wasn't complete.  On the flight Clara moaned quietly in her car seat exhausted past all reason until she suddenly, without warning, fell asleep, head lolling and drooling.

First fireworks...at Epcot.

We arrived in NYC at 10:30 at night and found ourselves at my mother's vacant apartment, who was conveniently on vacation herself.  We lived out of our vacation suitcase for four days before I finally got to set eyes on my beautiful new bathroom. Back in our apartment and back into the swing of things, Clara continues to make us laugh with her new witticisms.

Last night, Gerald made milkshakes for dessert as a treat.  Clara had never had one and really, really loved it.  After drinking it up, she ran around the apartment shrieking and laughing for twenty minutes.  Shortly after she flopped down on the couch and said: "Mama, My brains are very heavy with all the sugar-milk. That means I need to take a nap."

Clara continues to pitch "Sister Grandma" as the name for her new sister.  My friend who is pregnant with a boy asked Clara for name suggestions the other day when she was over.  Clara thought seriously for a moment, then offered up: French Fry Girly" as an appropriate name.  

Next steps - big girl bed for Clara, Clara's 3rd birthday, and the arrival of our second daughter at the end of summer.  Can't wait to meet you, Sister Grandma.

Clara meets Christmas.

I think the best part of watching your child grow up may be introducing them to the holiday season.  I can remember the magic that the Christmas season inspired in me as a child.  The excitement and anticipation only occasionally tipping into over-excitement and making myself sick thinking about what Santa was going to bring me this year.

Clara is not quite two and a half and this year - she gets it.  Gerald and I get to introduce her to all the things we loved as children and we get to watch as she experiences it all for the first time.  We have seen so many of Clara's "first times" but this one takes the cake.

The season started with the Advent Calendar.  I loved advent calendars so much as I child that I would make them for myself.  I would draw a multi-windowed mansion and draw a picture behind each window.  One wasn't enough.  I had one at home, made one for everyone in my family, and had one in my locker at school.  The last time I made one was sometime in my late 20's.  Turns out - Gerald has an amazing advent calendar where each door in the Christmas tree opens to reveal a Christmas ornament, and later in the month, the figures from the Nativity. 

As you can imagine, Clara is bonkers about opening tiny doors and revealing presents.  Every day she asks for another "match."  I think the "reveal" reminds her of turning over cards in memory games.    She also isn't too fond of the whole one-advent door-a-day thing but we've managed to talk her down so far.  Last night, the first figure of the Nativity was revealed - a tiny king carrying gold.  Clara carried it around the apartment referring to it as "her Queen."  That's fine by me.

We have also talked to her a lot about the concept of Santa Claus and what's going on with that.  She already loves presents but the idea of a guy in a red suit and a beard bringing her surprise presents one day makes her hit the ceiling with excitement.  Now whenever the doorbell rings she yells: "Oh! Oh! Is it Santa!!!??"

A few days ago we took her to our Union's Holiday Party where Santa was scheduled to put in an appearance.  She talked about Santa the whole ride down on the Subway - to me, to strangers, to anyone who would listen.  At the party, Santa was in a special room.  We walked in and Clara paused, suddenly shy.  Santa asked if she wanted to sit on his lap and after a brief hesitation, she squared her shoulders and went for it.  She sat on his lap while Gerald and I took a hundred pictures.  When Santa asked her what she wanted for Christmas, her nerves betrayed her, and she whispered in a tiny voice into Santa's ear: "A princess...and play doh."

Santa said:  "Ho ho ho...I think I can help you out with one of those requests, little girl."...and he pulled a play doh set out of his bag and handed it to Clara. 

Clara's eye widened - it was true, Santa COULD magically provide you with you heart's desire. 

Clara shrieked: "Look Mama! Look, Dada! PLAY DOH!"

Magic.

It's possible the best thing about being a parent, and I know Gerald agrees.

Gerald, posing with the new tree.

Chatting with Santa.

Conversations with Clara. Episode Four.

Clara is officially a two year old, and by that I mean she has decided that she is totally self sufficient and independent (thank you,very much), unless of course she has a boo-boo or needs help, which she asks for by saying: "Help you?  Help you?"

Here are some recent interactions:

Clara (doing anything she has asked help with and deciding suddenly and without warning that she no longer needs help)

"I DO it.  Don't touch me! Stop touching me."

Or this: 

After a protracted bartering session where we were discussing a long walk to visit friends.  She wanted to walk the whole way herself, I countered with walking part of the way and being in the stroller part of the way.  Clara ran to the front door - turned and looked at me - arms wrapped defiantly around her chest and said:

"I don't like it, Mama. I'm NOT kidding!"

Or this:

She only gets a binky at nap time or at night.  It used to be any old binky would do.  Now Clara has her favorites, and if I try to slip in a new one she says:

"Not that binky, old binky."

And she is no longer content to let me choose a binky but instead asks permission to look through the binky bowl.  

"Mama, let me pick one. I pick one."

Or the other day - she held out her hand to me, clearly expecting me to do something.  So I took her hand.  Clara nodded her head and said:

"Nice to meet you."

She is so sure of herself and most of the time Gerald and I manage to keep the smiles off our faces and take our independent little girl's suggestions...very seriously.

Clara in Class

Clara has been taking a Toddler Enrichment class at our local YWHA.  She absolutely loves it.  Today when we were there waiting to go up in the elevator, she started spinning in circles and yelling: "I'm so excited."  The class itself has tons of variety for the kids while trying to teach them to play together and do things like walk in a line when traveling together, or even stand on a red dot when it's your turn to have a solo dance.  Clara absorbs it all like a sponge and bravely tries thing without her dear old mom.

Practicing counting.

Dancing in a circle.

 

 Dancing on the Red Dot - Clara took this task very seriously.

Solo Dance.

Climbing through a tube.

Mat Class

Turning 2...telling jokes and making friends.

Clara recently turned two and seems more and more like a little kid and less like a baby.

Clara mugging for the camera.

She goes to sleep pretty easily.  We put her in her crib and sing her a few songs (we take requests), and then we leave.  Just in the past week she has started getting in the last word.   As Gerald or I ease out the door of her room, Clara chirpily cries out: "Bye!" or "Ok, Bye!" Same goes when we put her down for a nap.  

Gerald texted me today's naptime exchange:

Gerald: Clara, are you ready for a nap?
Clara: (happily) Yeah!
Clara lies down.
Clara: Dolly?
Gerald gets Dolly and hands it to her.
Clara: (happily) Bye, Dad!

She also continues to work on her comedy.  Clara is perfecting the art of the "Knock Knock" joke but seems to be missing some essential beats.

Cooling off.

Clara: Knock. Knock.
Me: Who's There?
Clara: Dabo.
Me: Dabo who?
Clara (ponders for while) Moooooooo.
Me: Oh my, is there a cow at the door?
Clara (happily) Yeah! (laughs merrily at her own wit)

a few seconds later, the joke is repeated...with small, comedic changes.

Clara: Knock. Knock.
Me: Who's There?
Clara: Dabo.
Me: Dabo who?
Clara (ponders for while) Oooooo. Oooooo. Ooooooo.
Me: Oh my, is there a monkey at the door?
Clara (happily) Yeah! (laughs merrily at her own wit)

I also love the fact that as she gets older she seems to realize that she has friends her own age that she likes and can play with.  Though they still often play in the style of people playing separately that happen to be in the same room together, there are increasingly spans of time where they interact and seem to appreciate each other.

Clara, Charlie and Marek.

Like the other day when the twins were over to play.  Denise and I were sitting on the couch and the 3 kids disappeared into Clara's room to play.  After they had gone silent for a little too long, we heard the door to Clara's room slam shut.  I got up to see what was up and heard laughter through the door. I walked in to find Marek smiling with a mischievous gleam in his eyes (clearly he was the door closer).  Clara was standing up in the seat of her stroller trying to figure out how to get down, and Charlie was watching it all, as many toy cars as he could carry clutched to his chest. They got to share and enjoy an experience with each other, not their parents.  The seeds of independence are growing.

Clara and Billie.

Now they also seem to be caring about each other. Last week Billie ambled over to Clara, who was playing in a pile of dirt, and they both held out their arms to be hugged.   It was so sweet watching two little girls embrace, until they overbalanced and landed in a mini toddler pile-up in the dirt. Then it was funny. Or a few days ago when Billie and Clara were watching a rainstorm out the window, their faces pressed up against the glass, and Billie reached out her arm and put it around Clara's shoulders. That easy, almost unconscious expression of affection is just so wonderful.  And then one of them pushes the other for taking away a toy and you see that they really are going to be great friends.

All four little ones met up in the park to play yesterday.  After running around willy-nilly for awhile Clara, Charlie, Marek and Billie spontaneously met up and sat together.  Now, to be clear, they were all vying for some of Clara's snack but they sat there together for fifteen minutes enjoying each other and essentially ignoring the moms.