Worry

You seem so excited about your new baby sister.  You kiss my tummy and say “hello” to her.  You tell me how you’re going to teach her how to walk, and feed her bottles, and change her diapers.  You want to teach her how to laugh.

You also just turned three.  You sometimes throw things when you don’t get your way. You confuse me sometimes.  Like when you ask for an apple and I go to get it and you yell” NO APPLE!” but when I move to put it away you start crying and want the apple back. You love to help set the table and empty the dishwasher but usually put up a fight when it’s time to clean up the toys.

You amazingly take new things in stride.  When we took the side off your crib, you happily got in bed at night and didn’t constantly climb out. You switched into the bigger bedroom for you and your future sister, and slept through the night the first night and every night since. The tooth fairy “took away” the binkies the same week you independently decided to give up naps. At night you were overtired and binkie-less and yet you slept through the night. A few days later your “big-girl” twin sized bed arrived and you had no trouble sleeping in it, even with your “old bed” - soon to be your little sister’s crib - across the room.

I remember the first three months you were alive and how tired your Dad and I were from feeding you every two hours.  We got through it and every day was a little better. I worry about those first three months with a newborn and an active, inquisitive three year old. I don’t want you to feel lost in the shuffle and I want to be able to focus on you both equally but I worry that you’ll be sad or think I’m ignoring you. I don’t want you to worry.  About anything.  Ever.

At 35 weeks pregnant I am tired now but you seem to understand when Mom needs a break.  Like yesterday when it took us a half an hour to go one block because I had to keep stopping to sit down from stabbing cervical pains.  You patiently sat beside me on building stoops and stairs while I caught my breath.  Each time we stopped you would quietly sing me the Doc Mc Stuffins song: “I know you’re scared. Tell me what’s wrong. I know there’s something we can do.”  You waited patiently for me to collect myself and keep walking.

Maybe I should just trust in the fact that you’re taking everything in stride.  A three year old is showing me how not to worry. Ok...I’ll stop worrying. Really. OK...I’m stopping worrying….

Solo-Duplo building.

Silly face time while Mom lies down on the bed for a minute.

Clara Turns 3.

We threw Clara a birthday party this past Friday. I know that everyone says it but I literally cannot believe Clara has been in our lives for THREE years...three years 9 months if you count womb time. How is it even possible?  I look back at pictures and see how small Clara once was and think: "How long ago was that?" It feels like last week.

I tried to compare the passage of time to other three-year long intervals in my life.

11 to 14?  Interminable waiting to be older coupled with knife-sharp growing pains. Felt like forever.

18 to 21? Most of college - intensely studying while trying to have fun and make friends. Flew on a plane for the first time. Studied abroad. Less angsty than high school but time certainly slowed down while I navigated the murky waters of social interaction with my peers.

Six weeks from now I will give birth to my second child. If Clara was born yesterday, how is this possible?

Back to the party.  Clara's friends with their parents (a.k.a adult friends) in tow, and other friends and both sides of the family gathered to celebrate.  Clara loves all things doll/stuffed animal/and princess...much to the delight of my twin sister who loved all these things when we were children while I ran away screaming looking for a board game or an encyclopedia to read. My mother always invented elaborate games for our birthday parties as kids, and in that same spirit I planned a Princess Scavenger Hunt for the kiddies while trying to keep the pink princess frou-frou aspect to a minimum.

Here is what the kids had to find:

Princess Tiana's Frog - a delightfully squishy, slimy toy frog. (would probably stick to the wall if thrown,  like those crawling octopi  I used to love as a child)

Princess Ariel's Shell - A seashell whistle. (Surprisingly, it made a pure, pretty tone.)

Snow White's Apple - a plastic apple with a toy insect inside. (Clara's cousin Cricket actually found a cricket in hers)

Cinderella's Pumpkin - a plastic pumpkin with a stuffed toy mouse inside. ( big hit with the three year old set, who loved finding other things to fit in the pumpkin and the apple...open, close...repeat)

Tinkerbell's Pixie Dust - a plastic egg filled with iridescent slime.  (this was like  drugs to the three year olds. Each one of them carried around the slime for at least an hour.  One little girl made herself a bracelet out of it.)

Elsa's Wand - A light up snowflake wand. (I know...I KNOW.  Elsa doesn't have a wand...but we can't exclude Frozen from our repertoire, Disney would revoke my parent card)

Abandoned Tinkerbell Slime.

The kids spent the remainder of the time running around like loons. Clara got over excited and wiped out at one point, needing many kisses and band aids. Gerald and I walked around talking to adults while Clara disappeared into the pack of roaming children. Many hot dogs, chips and dip, and cupcakes were enjoyed by all.  The three year old's eyed each other to see who would be the first one brave enough to request a second cupcake before the firsts' sugar high kicked in. 

Wish time.

                       

Should I ask or just take another?

Delicious.

 While opening her gifts Clara reveled in ripping open the paper. She then proceeded to look at the revealed gift for exactly 3.5 seconds before saying: "Let's open another one."

     

All in all, it was a great day. Gerald and I could see how special Clara felt when everyone sang her Happy Birthday and she got to blow out the candle.

I don't think there's anything better than throwing a birthday party for a child. It's all new and amazing to them. (Even if I don't quite believe that we've just celebrated her third birthday)

Happy Birthday, Princess.

Some of the guests...

Charlie and Marek.

Me and Lauren.

Skip, Jason, and Susan.

Samantha, Becky and I.

       

 

The satisfied parents.

Conversations with Clara. Episode 10.

Clara is closing in on her 3rd birthday and she has a lot to say.  Some recent interactions:

Riding the elevator to the basement.

CLARA: Who are you calling, Mama?

ME: (no phone in hand) No one.  Who are you calling?

CLARA: Yellow.

ME:  Who's Yellow?

CLARA: (coy) He's my boyfriend. (pause) He's coming to my birthday party.

I look forward to meeting the mysterious Yellow.

Early morning, I am sitting on the sofa trying to enjoy a cup of coffee.  Clara wants me to play with her and her entreaties quickly escalate as she slaps me on the face with a peremptory: "Play with me NOW, MAMA!."

This not being the best time of day to get slapped in the face...(when is it ever, really?) I order her to her room and tell her to play by herself because I don't like being hit.  My voice was raised, Clara left.

Three minutes later Clara returns quietly to the living room.

CLARA: Would you like to hear a song, Mama?

ME: That would be nice.

CLARA: (singing a song from Daniel Tiger) If you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath (takes a deep breath) and count to four. (pause, Clara contemplates me for a moment)  Now you should sing that song, Mama.

I thought Daniel Tiger's songs about social interaction were for the toddlers...clearly, Clara feels differently.

Conversations with Clara. Episode Four.

Clara is officially a two year old, and by that I mean she has decided that she is totally self sufficient and independent (thank you,very much), unless of course she has a boo-boo or needs help, which she asks for by saying: "Help you?  Help you?"

Here are some recent interactions:

Clara (doing anything she has asked help with and deciding suddenly and without warning that she no longer needs help)

"I DO it.  Don't touch me! Stop touching me."

Or this: 

After a protracted bartering session where we were discussing a long walk to visit friends.  She wanted to walk the whole way herself, I countered with walking part of the way and being in the stroller part of the way.  Clara ran to the front door - turned and looked at me - arms wrapped defiantly around her chest and said:

"I don't like it, Mama. I'm NOT kidding!"

Or this:

She only gets a binky at nap time or at night.  It used to be any old binky would do.  Now Clara has her favorites, and if I try to slip in a new one she says:

"Not that binky, old binky."

And she is no longer content to let me choose a binky but instead asks permission to look through the binky bowl.  

"Mama, let me pick one. I pick one."

Or the other day - she held out her hand to me, clearly expecting me to do something.  So I took her hand.  Clara nodded her head and said:

"Nice to meet you."

She is so sure of herself and most of the time Gerald and I manage to keep the smiles off our faces and take our independent little girl's suggestions...very seriously.

Turning 2...telling jokes and making friends.

Clara recently turned two and seems more and more like a little kid and less like a baby.

Clara mugging for the camera.

She goes to sleep pretty easily.  We put her in her crib and sing her a few songs (we take requests), and then we leave.  Just in the past week she has started getting in the last word.   As Gerald or I ease out the door of her room, Clara chirpily cries out: "Bye!" or "Ok, Bye!" Same goes when we put her down for a nap.  

Gerald texted me today's naptime exchange:

Gerald: Clara, are you ready for a nap?
Clara: (happily) Yeah!
Clara lies down.
Clara: Dolly?
Gerald gets Dolly and hands it to her.
Clara: (happily) Bye, Dad!

She also continues to work on her comedy.  Clara is perfecting the art of the "Knock Knock" joke but seems to be missing some essential beats.

Cooling off.

Clara: Knock. Knock.
Me: Who's There?
Clara: Dabo.
Me: Dabo who?
Clara (ponders for while) Moooooooo.
Me: Oh my, is there a cow at the door?
Clara (happily) Yeah! (laughs merrily at her own wit)

a few seconds later, the joke is repeated...with small, comedic changes.

Clara: Knock. Knock.
Me: Who's There?
Clara: Dabo.
Me: Dabo who?
Clara (ponders for while) Oooooo. Oooooo. Ooooooo.
Me: Oh my, is there a monkey at the door?
Clara (happily) Yeah! (laughs merrily at her own wit)

I also love the fact that as she gets older she seems to realize that she has friends her own age that she likes and can play with.  Though they still often play in the style of people playing separately that happen to be in the same room together, there are increasingly spans of time where they interact and seem to appreciate each other.

Clara, Charlie and Marek.

Like the other day when the twins were over to play.  Denise and I were sitting on the couch and the 3 kids disappeared into Clara's room to play.  After they had gone silent for a little too long, we heard the door to Clara's room slam shut.  I got up to see what was up and heard laughter through the door. I walked in to find Marek smiling with a mischievous gleam in his eyes (clearly he was the door closer).  Clara was standing up in the seat of her stroller trying to figure out how to get down, and Charlie was watching it all, as many toy cars as he could carry clutched to his chest. They got to share and enjoy an experience with each other, not their parents.  The seeds of independence are growing.

Clara and Billie.

Now they also seem to be caring about each other. Last week Billie ambled over to Clara, who was playing in a pile of dirt, and they both held out their arms to be hugged.   It was so sweet watching two little girls embrace, until they overbalanced and landed in a mini toddler pile-up in the dirt. Then it was funny. Or a few days ago when Billie and Clara were watching a rainstorm out the window, their faces pressed up against the glass, and Billie reached out her arm and put it around Clara's shoulders. That easy, almost unconscious expression of affection is just so wonderful.  And then one of them pushes the other for taking away a toy and you see that they really are going to be great friends.

All four little ones met up in the park to play yesterday.  After running around willy-nilly for awhile Clara, Charlie, Marek and Billie spontaneously met up and sat together.  Now, to be clear, they were all vying for some of Clara's snack but they sat there together for fifteen minutes enjoying each other and essentially ignoring the moms.

Clara Withdrawal.

So this week Gerald and I went on our long awaited, belated honeymoon.  Belated, you say?   Well yes...belated for a few reasons.  One - we  dated, got serious, got pregnant and had a baby daughter all before getting married this past year when Clara was almost a year and a half.  And then there was the whole thing about us not wanting to leave our little girl, our little girl who looks less like a baby and more like a little kid every day.  Gerald has broached the idea of a vacation a few times over the nearly two years since Clara's birth. 

His first idea - Let's Take a Vacation With Clara.  Every time I thought about it all I could see was Clara in hotel rooms that weren't baby proofed without all her "things" that make her happy - like toys, and cribs, and routines. Never mind the fact that friends of mine had taken their baby son to Puerto Rico and had managed not to let him toddle off into the jungle to live with the animals. The whole idea seemed less like a vacation and more like an invitation to visit the Emergency Room. 

Gerald's second idea - Let's Take A Vacation Without Clara. Also problematic because whenever I thought about Clara being "old enough" to handle an extended separation from her parents the "safe" age for this to happen seemed to be somewhere around ten, or twelve or thirteen. Never mind the fact that my other friends had just taken a week-long, baby-free vacation to Mexico and their daughter was fine during and after their return. I just couldn't conceptualize the reality where I wouldn't see Clara for days.  The world where I didn't have a baby and just ran around doing things like going on vacations seemed impossibly far away.

Good thing Gerald said: We're doing this.  And the planning began. We decided on a three night stay in Atlantic City and lo and behold Gerald's parents offered to take care of Clara for the entire time at their house.  I worried about Clara in a new place - would she be up all night?  Would she fall down the stairs?  Would she pull down fragile things from reachable places and smash them?  And most worrying, would she cry and cry and cry?

So what happened?  I explained to Clara that she was going on an adventure with her grandparents and then we got on the bus to Atlantic City and Clara got in her car seat for her drive to upstate New York.  And then Clara proceeded to not realize even one of my fears for her.  Instead she slept the first night from 6:30 pm to 8:30 in the morning, allowing her grandparents to luxuriously sleep in. (A privilege she does not extend to her own parents I might add)  She then spent the next few days discovering her passion for lo mein noodles, eating organic cereal and bananas, practicing climbing up and down stairs without cracking her skull, hanging out at other people's houses, playing in the yard, and playing with a basketful of schnauzer puppies.  Hard life.

Clara meets a schnauzer.

Clara having cereal.

Clara trying Lo Mein for the first time.

Thanks to Clara being bold and brave on her adventure, and thanks to her loving grandparents for tackling the daunting task of entertaining a 22 month old for four days, Gerald and I got to go on an adventure of our own.  We slept in every day until 8:30 which felt like waking up at one o'clock in the afternoon. We wandered aimlessly, lounged, ate good food, talked to each other and made each other laugh.  And so what if thirty percent of our conversation was about our amazing daughter?  

Midday nap.

A slightly disturbing exhibit at the aquarium.                  Gerald and Skunk.

Jeannine and Red Fox.

Channeling our inner "Mad Men" with gin martinis.

We had a great time away, and a great time coming home to see her.  When we walked into our apartment, Clara broke away from coloring with crayons to give us each a hug, then went back to drawing as if to say: "See, mom and dad, you had nothing to worry about."  That night when we sat down to dinner Clara ate her spaghetti and salad and then politely asked for some lo mein.

Adventure Clara

Clara is into trying out everything these days and asking a lot of questions.  If she sees me doing something she quickly says: "I try." and tries to do it herself.

A few nights ago, I flipped over our leather swivel chair to tighten some of the bolts.  Clara saw the crescent wrench and said: "I try."  After watching me tighten one bolt, she went in with the wrench and actually tried to tighten bolts.

That same day, in the playground she decided to try going down the slide feet first on her stomach while whooping in delight.  And then tried face first on her stomach but got her hands caught under her chest and did not whoop in delight - she cried - but bravely went and tried again.  That night in the bath she discovered she could flip over in the water - almost submerging her face - and float.  She kept saying: "Oooooooooh" I think to hear how her voice sounded underwater.

She is also constantly trying to figure things out.  Like crawling through this tube at the zoo.  First she had to see that Gerald was on the other end - now she bravely scrambles through on her own.

At the playground she spent 20 minutes figuring out how to pry up loose soil from the ground and then make tiny piles of dirt. She did not ask for my help, just worked at it intensely on her own. I love this exploration. I loved digging for worms as a child - I can't wait to show her how to do that.

She can also be a bit of a minx.  This is the calm before the storm at a recent demonstration art class.  Clara probably drew for thirty seconds before she picked up the glue sticks and ran around evading my grasp while eating the glue stick like it was a popsicle.

She is determined to understand everything.  Up until this week, Gerald has managed to cling to some tattered shreds of privacy by insisting on closing the bathroom door while he is in there.  I gave bathroom privacy months ago.  I am used to Clara pushing back the  curtain peremptorily while I shower - her gleaming mischievous eyes dancing  while she throws tiny toys into the tub at my feet.

Somehow this past week Clara muscled herself into the bathroom while Gerald was in there.  He realized she was in there when he heard her piping little voice say:"Pee Pee Stand Up."  

As the last vestiges of his  privacy blew away on the wind, Gerald was impressed by Clara's acumen.